Fighting Self-Doubt as an Artist

Life is sometimes just too much.

My art production slowed down significantly over the last month due to a variety of factors.  First, I got sick.  Then, I got injured.  Then I got sick again.  While that was happening, I increased my time commitments at church and I had more family gatherings and activities than usual.

This was frustrating in and of itself, but it has also been a problem in a very unexpected way: a crisis of confidence.  

To be clear, I’ve been fighting with self-doubt since I decided to get serious about painting last year.  What was once just a fun hobby suddenly became more dependent on the opinions of others.  And that’s scary.  But my self-doubt has been especially bad over the last month. I’ve found myself more prone to comparing my work to others and finding it lacking.  I look at what I’ve done and I’m dissatisfied.  I feel like I’m never going to improve because I don’t even know what it is that I don’t like about my art.

After several weeks of this, I did what any modern human would: I googled the problem.  But unlike googling troublesome health symptoms, it didn’t lead me to conclude that I was terminally ill and all was lost.  I actually found some good advice...

Keep working.

That was the universal suggestion.  You just keep working.  You ignore the doubt and keep going.

So, pushing through the doubt, I fought to get back in front of my easel.  Here’s the result.

I managed to squeak out a painting despite the mental and physical hurdles. Snow at Furman, oil on panel

Is it perfect?  No?  Is perfection possible?  No.  Did I enjoy painting it?  Yes.  And that was all I needed to start feeling better again.  

I wish I could say I’ve gotten back into a regular practice, but life isn’t easing up on me yet.  I’ve had just as much to do with work, church, and family.  I’m still working through that injury. But I have put more time in than I did in February.  And it has made enough of a difference that I can see how important consistency is.  I’ve got to show up in the studio regularly and keep at it.  Otherwise, that self-doubt will run me ragged.